Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
