Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
