I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
