Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
