Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
