I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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