never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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