So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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