'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize