her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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