I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize