I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
