Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
