I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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