i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
