those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
