They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
