I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
