Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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