i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
