I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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