If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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