you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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