Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
