Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
