Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
