This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
