I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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