Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
