the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
