I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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