Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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