The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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