Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize