Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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