Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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