I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
