I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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