Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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