I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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