She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
