I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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