Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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