Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
