Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
