you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
