Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
