UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
