I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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