this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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