You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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