There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
