I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
