I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Me too!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
