i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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