I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
