I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
