I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
