I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
