Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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