Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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