if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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